Random musings version 0.1

My chat program, Trillian, automatically logs every single conversation I have. Out of curiosity, I checked the size of the logs folder today, just to see how big it was… 6.1 megabytes. I think it’s interesting that my whole life since March can be summed up in 6.1 megabytes. Did I think that it should take more or less space to sum up my life? I’m not exactly sure.

And it’s not a summary of my life… more or less a log of my life. I really do live my life through the internet, and those parts that I don’t live on the internet are most certainly discussed on the internet. I could go back through those logs and remember every single emotion that I’ve felt since March… it’s a bit odd.

What is, perhaps, most unsetlling, is that I really only talk to a handful of people, even though I have about 200 buddies. There are only about 10 people that I talk to on a regular basis, I’d say. And yet there are 139 log files — most of which are 1 KB a piece. Hmph…

Lately my mom has become much more calm, thanks to her counseling. And yet, I still can’t help but feel awkward talking to her. She doesn’t try to hug me anymore, which is good. Hugs with her were always awkward. Even though she’s calmer now, I don’t think I can forgive her for the years of emotional abuse that I had to put up with. She used to tear me down in ways unexplainable… suffice to say that I have trouble opening up to anyone thanks to her.
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