:(

Why couldn’t I have had a dad or a role model?

Life sucks when no one tells you what you should be doing and how you should do it.

At least then I could blame my failures on incorrect guidance.

Instead I have to take responsibility for my own actions.

i{content: normal !important}

ugh

First off: Today was my birthday. Go me.

Anyway…

Started talking to Sara again… and it’s kinda the same old stuff… she doesn’t really talk to me, she’s more just there to listen… it’s weird. Anyway, meh, dunno what’s going on there… and I have a new favorite song.

You sat me down beside myself
To show me all the reasons I was wrong for you
Was this for real? It’s hard to tell
‘Cause it was such a beautiful mess we had got into

I’m gonna overcome this, paper hearts can’t win this time
And all along I should have known this wasn’t your dream, it was mine
I know you wanted me to give up this life to be
Everything I was back when you had the hands my heart was in

I was never good at goodbye…

Can I swallow this bottle whole?
So this brain in my head can forget your face

When we were starting out, you believed in me without a doubt
You were the finest thing to happen to a boy like me
It’s so much harder now, I wanna try and tell you how
There is so much love in me, even though it’s hard to see

And I was never good at goodbye…

Can I swallow this bottle whole?
So this brain in my head can forget your face
Can I swallow this bottle whole?
‘Cause I’d rather be dead than make more mistakes

Today I couldn’t stay awake
Feels like I’m drowning in this firewater lake
I won’t be sleeping much tonight
It’s not the same without you lying by my side
(Right beside me)

Can I swallow this bottle whole?
So this brain in my head can forget your face
Can I swallow this bottle whole?
‘Cause I’d rather be dead than make more mistakes

I know you wanted me to give up my life to be
(Can I swallow this bottle whole?)
Everything I am when you’re the only thing that I can see
(Can I swallow this bottle whole?)
I’m sorry but you’re not the, not the only one for me
(So this brain in my head can forget your face)

You left me here beside myself
Left me with all the reasons why I was wrong for you i{content: normal !important}i{content: normal !important}

Just thought I’d share

So I was talking to a pretty good friend, or at least someone who knows me pretty well…. He was guessing at what I wanted in life, and he hit the mark with this:

“Die alone without emotional attachments, just to say “Fuck off” to everyone who said you’d eventually fall in love?” i{content: normal !important}

update

Went to a BLE mid-lan today with Cody and Josh. Got to play some games, gawk at old computer stuff, tell some jokes, and best of all, talk with Ender/Nathan about books! i{content: normal !important}

my dream

My dream is to go to college, and when I get there, completely burn all the bridges to everyone I’ve ever known. New email accounts, new name, new MSN/AIM accounts, stop playing the games I normally do or going to the servers I normally do, stop visitng the sites I normally do…

basically, a fresh start. i{content: normal !important}