i suck via blog titles so basically y halo thar

Current Events:

When last I blogged, debate had started as well as driver’s ed. I still had no partner but at least my homework backlog was done’t.

I now have a partner, so that’s pretty cool. I hear he’s REALLY smart too… I hear he doesn’t even need to be in high school right now, but he just is so that he can get some extra credits. My ego will never allow me to admit that he’s smarter than me, probably, unless it’s clear he is. In which case, I will cry. I still don’t think I’ve met anyone smarter than me, with the exception of Kai. Well, let me rephrase… I don’t think I’ve met anyone smarter than me who is my age. Certainly, there are people who are more knowledgeable in a certain trade/field of study, but that doesn’t make them (on the whole) smarter than me. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

There was this one girl who liked that guy I’ve mentioned before, who’s perceived as being the smartest kid in our school (just because he’s taking calculus as a sophomore). I refrain from using names so that I can’t be held accountable. Anyway. Turns out she doesn’t like him anymore because he’s a) way too nerdy b) way too clingy and c) way too desperate. He also hangs on to the past too much, which was something I didn’t know about him. Hopefully I can learn from his mistakes and at least not be too clingy or too desperate. The nerdy thing, I’m doomed. I’m more nerdy than he is! Oh, he was also too “goody-goody” for her… I’m probably even more “goody-goody” than him. Deezee, yeah, he’s a straight arrow.

WELCOME TO DEEZEE’S MIND LOLOLOL YHALOTHAR:

I told SuperDude I had more to say about loneliness, and that I do. Simply put, I feel alienated from my age group due to my intelligence. Do I see people on a daily basis? Yes. Do I have what dictionary.com considers friends at school (acquaintances)? Yes. Do I still feel lonely? Yes. I feel as if I have no one to confide in. This in turn makes me feel lonely. And yet, I’m not entirely sure that I WANT to confide in anyone. On the one hand, I hate being lonely and feeling alienated (the concerns of my age group frankly seem so very immature to me) but at the same time I hate sounding like a hypocrite because I’m not technically alone and I have little justification in bitching about loneliness.

As I was discussing with teh ghrogzor, I hate to blog. Because when I do, I end up sounding like any typical whiny goth whore who just recently discovered the internet — something I detest so very much and something I try so very hard to avoid. That’s why I don’t really blog very much… If I had blogged regularly, my blog would be a lot bigger. I have a lot of stuff happen to me like the event I detailed the other day, and I have plenty to say about how I think and feel about these events. However, as I mentioned before, I can usually work out these thoughts and feelings on my own and see no reason to blog and risk sounding like the culmination of everything I stand against.

And lastly, I said that I had some thoughts regarding the advice my teacher gave me. He said that “responsible living is overrated.” This affected me deeply, partially because (as I mentioned before) I’m a straight arrow and partially because it is so plain about me that even a teacher I’ve only known for a few weeks could tell I lived that way. And yet I don’t know how to live any other way. I feel as though honesty and integrity are the two most redeemable qualities that a human being can have, and no matter how I live my life I’ve decided that I will always live it with integrity. More often than not this requires me to live like a straight arrow, and I have no qualms with that. I don’t want to drink, I don’t want to do drugs, I don’t want to party. Yet this alienates me from my age group. I want to succeed in the future so I work hard now to ensure my success by getting good grades and learning as much as I can, and this too alienates me from my age group. I wonder if all my work is futile, however. Is responsible living really futile? Have I already wasted precious time, time that can never be regained, pursuing this useless path? If I abandon this path now can I make up for lost time? Do I even want to abandon this path?
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