I touch myself and everyone else. (Disjointed rambling)

Titles not withstanding, my life consists only of worrying and playing video games at this point. It’ll be nice when summer rolls in because then the worry’ll be gone. Hopefully I won’t be playing video games, either, it’d be nice to get inspired and finish up my novel. Or be with friends. Or be with Haley. Or all three.

Methinks too many people (myself included) get caught up in the details and miss the big picture. Even those who talk about getting caught up in the details and missing the big picture are probably missing the larger picture. It’s all relative. The more mistakes you make, the more you learn about yourself, the more you see the errors of your old ways, and the picture is revealed to you even further.

People often ask me or I often ask myself what the point to life is. Does it matter? Who cares what the point is? All you can expect to do is live your life happily and with no regrets. I’ve been living it thus far without regrets and lately I’ve been working on the happily part. Lots of people have been there to help me, which is nice. Don’t think I could’ve done it on my own.

New perspectives are the key to success. Having asked everyone I respected for advice about my relationship I was feeling a bit wary. They were all telling me the same thing… it was only after asking a co-worker (whom I respect for entirely different reasons) that I realized everyone I’d asked prior all had similar perspectives. Either they married someone really young and had no (lengthy) experience being single or they’d all but given up on the opposite sex. My co-worker had a fresh perspective on the whole situation and rather than give me specific advice he just talked of his experiences with women, and that gave me some insight on what I should do. At the very least, it reminded me that there’s a bigger picture out there, somewhere.

I’m still a bit perturbed about what happened to me on Monday. For those not in the know, I was called into the principal’s office and was told that a “community member” had called the school and said that if “JJ Durden had a gun he’d bring it to school and shoot people/himself.” That didn’t really bother me so much, because I try to live my life honestly and I don’t have anything to hide…what bothered me was who would make that up about me and why? Sure, I’m not 100% nice to everyone all the time, and I’m sure I’ve rubbed some people the wrong way… but what makes a person take something to that level? I’ve my suspicions as to who did it, but perhaps it’s best to let sleeping dogs lie. But I do think my trust was abused…

What is it with women and the tendency to be two faced? Or rather, multi-faced? Guys to a certain extent have this problem (they can act different depending on who they’re with) but it’s not as if their whole personality shifts. I dunno, I’ve just found my experience with most women to be rather unpleasant… mothers included.

Where am I going with all this? I don’t really know. That’s why I called this blog “disjointed rambling.”

I love it when people make fun of my taste in music. I randomly choose which people I’ll ‘tell’ my musical tastes to and which people I’ll let listen to my music. Everyone I’ve let listen to my music has liked it; everyone who I tell has said it sounds so retarded that they’d never ever listen to it. Even people who fancy themselves musical buffs can find the stuff I listen to enjoyable (my debate partner is huge into classical music and I have things that he likes). I enjoy listening to my so called “shitty” music, because no one else really does and everyone else thinks it’s retarded. Dunno why that makes the music more enjoyable, but it does.

Looking forward to next week (15-21). I’ll be staying with Nate that week. It’s nice to get a break away from home and to be with friends… I won’t have to work, either, because the people who work on my days off said they could work on my regular days, too. So, it’ll be like a little mini vacation for me! I’ll get a chance to be with Haley a bit more than usual, too, which’ll be a nice change of pace.

By the way, I’m currently listening to this, and I suggest you try it out. Then again, you don’t have to if you don’t want to… but hey. Apparently acoustic guitars, pianos and drums are retarded or something. So are electric guitars. I dunno.

Interesting Observation:

Somebody mentioned that they hardly talked to anyone today, and that reminded me of a rather routine observation I can make about myself and the people around me.

Not that I’m necessarily complaining or whining, but it is possible and relatively easy for me to go through a whole day (or several days) without talking to anyone. Certainly, people will say “Hello, how are you,” and that kind of crap… but those types of greetings can be answered with simple gestures. Even remarks like “Hey John, I did well on this,” or “What’d you get on that?” can be answered without words.

No one dare asks “What’s wrong?”

These people all claim to be my friends and all claim to care. Whenever I think a relationship might be going well with someone, I try not talking to them for a few days. Not avoiding them or anything of that nature, but just not starting a conversation… what typically happens then is we don’t end up talking. Sometimes we never speak again. Makes you wonder how much that person must’ve liked you if they won’t speak to you unless you speak to them first, y’know?

I know who my friends are. I don’t need to pull that kind of crap with them because they don’t pretend to be my friends. But the people that say they’re my friends without really following through can get on my nerves. Ironically, they often ask why I don’t talk to them much.

Takes two to tango, pal.

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