Prepare your tired eyes for an extraordinarily (and likely unnecessarily long) blog. I’ll divide it up into sections since I love you all so much.
My Life of Late:
I’ll be finishing my novel this summer. Yeah, I’ve decided to set aside a solid week where I’ll do nothing but eat, sleep and breathe my novel (into life, that’s the goal anyway). If it takes more than a week, then it takes more than a week but I’m going to try my hardest to get it done in that week.
Things with Haley are going much much much better since I started talking to people about the problems I’d been having. Mr. Smith’s advice has been particularly useful (everyone’s offered their own advice, of course, but I’ve mainly agreed with Mr. Smith’s, Dave’s and my coworker Brent’s… more on that later). I was assertive (which is atypical for me) in getting a structure to the relationship… Haley and I hang out after school as much as we can (unless either of us makes other plans… the way it works is unless we make other plans or have other obligations, we hang out… no need to ask) and we try our hardest to see each other at least once on the weekend too.
My coworker Brent has also proved to be a good advisor. He’s either 21 or 24 (I can never be sure, mingling with older people as much as I do) and he’s into the party scene… He’s not an alcoholic (most people you can just tell, or else you have your doubts about because they show symptoms… he shows none, even though he comes to work hung-over sometimes… he just loves him his good times). He agrees with my sentiment that drinking young is a rather dumb thing to do, as the only reason to ever drink socially is for fun and it’s not much fun when you’re young (because of all the hoops you have to jump through, all the obligations of high school, etc). He’s also given me some insight into the female mind that only a quasi womanizer like he could provide… every other adult I’d talked to either married very young or had nearly given up on the opposite gender in general… none really had the experience of “dating” outside of high school.
Starting Friday, I will be getting out of the limbo I call “home” and I’ll be staying with Nate for a little over a week. His wife is outta town for the week so we’ll be playing many video games and having many good times. His house is also conveniently located in close proximity to Haley’s, which is nice, as being in Sudden Valley can be a bit of a pain for hanging out. The only bad parts of this arrangement is that I’ll eventually have to go home and that I’ll still have to go to school while I’m there. (Note that in my previous blog I thought I’d be hanging out with him during the wrong week… it was actually going to be a week later. Thus, I’ve been at my house this week, which has been somewhat lame.)
My Thoughts of Late:
I owe a lot to videogames. Seriously. Without video games I would’ve never found www.gamefaqs.com, where I got my start at both writing and making good friends. I started writing walkthroughs, and then later, on the message boards, I began “role playing” with a character that would later morph into the character my novel focuses on. It is also on these boards where I ran a lot of “tests” with my characters, ideas, plots, etc to see how people would take them, and they were always well received. I met one of my best friends, Kai, on these boards… and it’s all because of a mutual interest in videogames.
Any interests I have outside of writing and videogames likely stemmed from videogames. For example, I’ve become very interested in a lot of higher level sciences and technologies, such as nanotechnology. The only reason I cared to find out about nanotechnology was because I’d heard it mentioned in Metal Gear Solid (via nanomachines that kept Snake healthy and warm). Lately I’ve been learning about the Enneagram, which is a personality chart that I first heard of through Xenosaga.
Xenosaga and/or Xenogears have actually made me interested in a lot of crap. In particular, my interest in the Id (and Freud) stems from a character in Xenogears named Id, who was a complete badass (and the main character Fei is a psychological nightmare). Xenogears and Xenosaga both make a lot of references to things I just haven’t had time to check up on but desperately want to, such as old folklore, religious niches, etc… In particular I want to acquaint myself with the (real life) Zohar and the Marienkind.
Without the LAN party, I think I’d only have one friend (Kai) and I’d also be stuck playing only console games. The LAN party has introduced me to a lot of people, and not just people my age, but adults too. I talk to them about things I’d never dare talking about with people my age simply because no one my age cares about these topics (quantum mechanics, philosophy, politics, etc). It has been a confidence booster to be able to talk to adults and have meaningful discourse and not be treated like an inferior. (I don’t consider myself equal, hardly, but at the very least it’s nice not to be talked DOWN to.)
Random and Personal
Nearly every day I have an internal struggle with my stance on partying. I think it is really dumb to do it at a young age and can’t justify it at all during the school year. During college I’m not sure what I think. During the summer I’m not sure what I think. I don’t think that that scene is for me and I can’t do much to the people around me to convince them that partying is a bad thing except speak out against it and try to provide logical reasons as to why it’s a bad thing. I don’t think many people hear me, however, which is really unfortunate.
What is it about people and having to learn things the hard way? I’m the same way myself, with a lot of things… and people are this way about dangerous things like partying and drugs. I learned not to do drugs/party the easy way… by watching people close to me destroy their lives doing these things. However, even when I share my experiences with others, it doesn’t matter to them. They won’t “get it” until they hurt themselves (even then they likely won’t get it, as most alcoholics don’t think they have a problem) or until someone close to them destroys their life, too. It’s really rather tragic.
And people aren’t just this way about drugs and partying, they’re this way about everything. Why is that? Why can’t humanity learn from the mistakes of others? Man seems only to learn from intense pain. For example, what my brother did caused me intense pain so I decided that I would never do the things he did… but what my brother did did NOT cause intense pain for anyone else, so other people may be sympathetic but they don’t learn the same lesson I did. No one seems to be able to learn by second hand experience… it all has to be first hand or none at all. I think it’s a trait that has permeated human history (you always hear the phrase “History repeats,” or that “mankind can’t learn from its mistakes,” this seems somehow connected).
Wanna chat with me? Write a comment and leave me a way to contact you. I’ll talk to you if I can find the time!