28 Kislev 5775

1500 PST

Forgot to honor the Sabbath, which is another habit I need to revive.

Spent some time in the Word, but was also engaged in some fruitful correspondences. Read some of my old pieces from In Mala Fide because I was interested in the comments (a lot of the comments on many – maybe all – my Spearhead posts are now gone). I had made a greater impact than I gave myself credit for, and also followed the rabbit hole down through someone who expressed interest in my writing just as I was ceasing from it. [Ed note: I have uploaded the four pieces that I wrote which were published on In Mala Fide, comments more or less intact, for those seeking more context to this post. Just check out this category to see them.]

A lot of truths [my Pastor] teaches, I had known (if not in whole at least in part) before even meeting him. I liken the situation almost to Romans 2:14-16, though in truth I had learned, internalized, and never fully abandoned some scriptural principles beginning from a young age. Where I missed the mark was in some of the conclusions I drew, as well as properly identifying, discerning and dividing the truth from sweet sounding deceptions [Hebrews 4:12] (which I have written more in depth about previously).

This man that I found has – bless his heart! – chosen to stay true to the narrow path. He was reaching out to me just as he began his own journey, to choose whether ot hold fast to the faith and principles he had grown up with or follow down the seductive paths of nihilism and hedonism that the red pill manosphere offers young, intelligent, lonely but otherwise extremely capable and talented men. Given the choice between the promise of ridicule and loneliness for virtue’s sake or the offer of, essentially, on-demand sex through mastery of the arts of seduction, he made the choice few indeed would make. From what I have read of him, he certainly deserves the following he has attracted and his commitment to physical as well as mental and spiritual discipline puts me to shame.

I pray earnest that, on his path to truth, the temptations of the flesh would not stumble him as they have me. I also pray he can receive revelation of YHWH’s names and attributes, to be blessed by the increased intimiacy such precious knowledge and wisdom allows I pray too that his understanding of the essential Jewish qualities of the savior and messiah I know he wishes to serve with all his heart, mind, soul and strength would grow and increase in this season we are entering. If I am to be the one to shout YHWH’s name in the wilderness (of the manosphere remnant) in accordance with the prophecy of Isaiah 40:3-8, then I pray for repentance (to change my thinking according to the seed of truth you have sown in me that I might bear fruit through my actions) so I may one day have the same boldness and authority as the man prophesied to carry out that task in the scriptures. And if I am the natural voice that this man I am praying for is to hear in order for his spiritual ears to receive the deposit of the Ruach Qodesh – the very breath of Elohim, of YHWH, which gave life to the adamah (dust of the Earth) to the first adam (man, Adam) – then Amen and Selah! Not my Words but yours, Adonai – nor my glory but instead yours. I know in my spirit you have called him to great responsibility and he will have a huge impact on the King’s Harvest. Amen!

In other developments, I launched my Patreon, and transcribed all that I have written so far. I have been able to resist temptation and tame my flesh for at least a few days. Perhaps another Confession of Sins is in order should I succumb?

Undoubtedly some will read what I have been writing, having come from my Facebook link to this project and think, “Well, he is headed for straight for the loony bin again.” This is because what people have come to expect from mainstream Christianity is, in fact, insane! Prove to me in the scriptures that we should have blind faith! Prove to me in the scriptures that we should erase all of El Elyon’s names (and thus attributes) and only know Him by two titles! Prove to me that the power of YHWH’s son’s name is in the Greek rendering “Jesus” and not in the Hebrew “Yeshua” or “Yohoshua” he was known by! When you pray in the name of Jesus – WHO ARE YOU PRAYING TO? I am not likely to respond to the name of Juan* – nor am I likely to appreciate you insisting upon calling me that when I’ve told you my name – simply because it is more comfortable for you! Why do we think it is any different for YHWH, Yeshua or the Ruach Qodesh?

*Special exception exists for the men and one lady of the 2009-2010 Okinawa Calibrations platoon, from whom Juan is in fact a high term of endearment.

2200 PST

Lots to write about. Spent 4 hours with [a friend I met in a college course locally]. First few hours were great, but (not to imply things ended unwell) towards the end we hit a wall that we always do.

At first he was pleased to just hear me share about the reasons why I feel compelled to do what I will be doing, but then he began to ask perfectly fair and reasonable questions of me. I tried to make it clear that neither I, nor truly the words of ANY man, would be able to satisfy the burden of evidence he desires – the exact same evidence I wish to also see for myself! Moreover, because I ONLY have my human intellect and perhaps some outward fruits of the Ruach Qodesh (Galatians 5:22-23), but haven’t completely conquered the sins of the flesh (Galatians 5:19-21), I haven’t even the most fundamental of the MANIFESTATIONS of the Ruach (1 Corinthians 12-14). And not having those, if my friend’s spiritual ears could not hear YHWH’s voice through my natural voice, then because I have no power of the Ruach Qodesh to substantiate my arguments then they would all just be vain persuasions of man (1 Corinthians 2).

When I am called to minister in the role of an evangelist, I am acutely concerned and compassionate towards the eternal mindset and stature of the person (and spiirt!) to whom I am ministering. However, I also realize it is not my role to convict, bring about repentance or conversion. Those are all offices of the Ruach Qodesh and up to the free will choice of the person to whom I am conversing with. (Call me false or accuse me of watering down the wrath of YHWH, but please do so in the scriptures so that I can respond in kind.) My only responsibility in that moment is to ensure that the person I am speaking with can no longer claim ignorance about the free will decision that is their gift from Elohim to make, nor the potential eternal consequences of it.

My friend had difficulty following the logic of why an agnostic doesn’t get a free “out” when it comes to the existence of a creator, despite what some agnostics may think (including myself when I was an agnostic with this belief). Logically, either an ultimate creator – the true first cause, all of that – either exists, or does not exist. Deists have staked their wages on the bet that said creator does exist, while atheists have cast their lots on the side that says a creator does not exist. Agnostics say that they do not have enough evidence to arrive at a conclusion. However, EVERYONE must play the game simply by living life. If the atheists are right then everybody’s dead and that’s the end. If the deists are right then the creator decides your fate according to how you lived your life – little hope for atheists in most cases (EXCEPT ironically in the case of Yeshua and YHWH as revealed in the scriptures), and if agnostics refuse to make a decision regarding diety it is unlikely they would have lived in such a way as to sufficiently pleased most deities (though, again, even in these dire circumstances there is still hope in Yeshua).

You can’t escape the logical necessity of the question by refusing to commit to one position or the other. Everyone is forced to take the gamble by simply living. If you want to knowingly roll the dice and “let come what may” – and the idea that 80-120 years of live could have eternal ramifications for you doesn’t bother you – then more power to you! So long as you understand the gamble we all must take – and what is at stake – I have done my due diligence. Everyone peddling a religion and a church will tell you they have the one true way. While I, too, believe that there is only one true way – the Messiah, Yeshua, who sits on the Great White Throne at the end of days to render judgment and rewards to each and every one as according their deeds and place in the Book of Life or Lamb’s Book of Life – I am not going to insult your intelligence by pretending my human intellect and whatever gift of persuasive argument I may possess will be able to convince you of such a monumental truth proposition. Again, only the Ruach Qodesh, the very breath of YHWH and “Spirit of Truth” sent to verify and testify of Yeshua can do such a thing.

Earlier in the conversation, before the doubting and the wall we hit – we were at a restaurant and I was blessed to learn our waitress was blessed to have heard our conversation. My friend misunderstood her enthusiasm as attraction towards me, when really it was just her spirit responding to the words of life contained in the scriptures that I was speaking to my friend. And praise Elohim (I was fortunate to be able to teach her some of what Elohim means!) that she did have ears to hear, as the daughter of a pastor! I gave her one of [my Pastor]’s cards, as I don’t yet have my own, and would be blessed whether she chose to press in or whether we don’t hear from her again.

My friend remained distracted by her, however, insisting that I should ask her out several times. There was no denying her attractiveness! But it wasn’t my flesh she was responding to, certainly – I have a jacked up haircut, no fashion sense, bad teeth, broken smile, unkempt beard and I’m about fifty pounds overweight. No, it was the Ruach Qodesh speaking to her that ignited her!

I tried to explain how I could understand my friend’s response, because of the absolutely toxic and vile effect pornography has had on how I’ve related to women, but my friend views pornography as natural and healthy so there’s no sense pushing the subject.

Lastly… MGySgt W shared some words that brought about tears for the first time in a long time. It is difficult to express the daily guilt I feel over the circumstances of my early exit from active duty. I feel I dishonored the brotherhood and the memory of my grandfather, Lieutenant Colonel William Lee Donner, who fought on the isle of Iwo Jima and in the Korean War. To be affirmed as an “outstanding Marine” by anyone of senior rank is an honor, but particularly so by this Marine who not only had the acumen to rise to the top of one of the most technically demanding jobs in the Corps, but who also possessed the Honor, Courage and Commitment to serve in a combat tour outside of his MOS – to literally bestow the greatest love, according to Yeshua: to lay down his life for his friends… To be so esteemed by such a  man means very much indeed. So if you are reading this, too, Master Gunnery Sergeant, thank you.

Now, to sort clothes.

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One thought on “28 Kislev 5775

  1. Pingback: Concerning Accuracy and Truth; It Is Written | The Travelouge Sampler

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