To those who followed this blog on the promise of my grand whirlwind tour of the United States, I apologize. I haven’t been posting because I’m still in the process of recovery from my last stint in the psych ward which was probably the single most disruptive one in my life. They put me on some very powerful drugs in the ward that I’m still filtering out of my system, and I still haven’t yet entered into a stable daily routine that leaves me time to accomplish all of the things I need and want to accomplish on a daily basis.
That said, I have been growing closer and closer to our triune Creator, and learning to rely more and more upon Him. As I recently told my senior pastor, the scriptures are the realest thing I’ve ever experienced and they continue to become more and more real every day.
It took me approximately four long years of searching the scriptures, attempting to live the scriptures and just very recently 100% trusting the scriptures. I am at a place where I am constantly mindful of whether I am trying to see my will done or His; I repent of any worry and I ask for forgiveness when I start pre-planning what I need to say to people I’m meeting in life. I’m also being tested in my stewardship, not just of finances but also of time. Time is perhaps the more difficult thing to steward and yet it is the thing in which we are all equal. We do not all have access to the same amount of finances but Elohim HAS given us the same amount of time each day. How much of our time are we investing into our walk with Him, sharing Him with a lost and dying world, advancing His Kingdom and being the light in the darkness?
I am encouraged that each day it is becoming easier and easier to rely on Him and easier and easier to sublimate myself to His will, but I am a long way from having “arrived” and a much longer way from “perfection.” I feel that I am at least bearing fruit, particularly some of the fruits of the spirit. In this season I am concerned about my fruit of self-control, which is one of the least talked about fruits. It seems many people are not so keen on discipline and would rather want for grace, but I wonder why we can’t have the fullness of both? A healthy body is helpful in ministry, especially if Elohim is calling you to be up for 24 or more hours at a time. You may find yourself in that situation where Yeshua is asking you to stay up for one more hour and pray with him and yet you find yourself giving in to your flesh just as the 12 did. One of the promises I want to see come to pass is the promise of Yeshua that we will do “these and greater things” by following his teaching and relying upon the Ruach Qodesh.
Be encouraged knowing that, as the scriptures say, trials and tribulations build perseverance, perseverance builds character, and character builds hope.