30 KISLEV 5775 ::: 12/22/2014 0847 PST
I find myself writing more online than in this notebook, if only because I have mentally partitioned it as something to be used only to document daily happenings; especially as they are relevant to my travels or are related to the purpose behind my travels.
That unfortunately has led to some having an incomplete picture with which to assess my spiritual or “religious” convictions and dispositions. Moreover, it is somewhat difficult in any case to ascertain the sincerity of one’s actions through one’s own words. Also, I refuse to fall into the trap of justifying myself to men. All this being understood, there are some things I’d like to clarify.
“In the natural,” as a spiritual sort might say, I was trained to be a metrologist by the United States Marine Corps; metrology being the science of measurement. It was a task primarily concerned with accuracy. Most people do not think, as they are taking a measurement, “how can I trust that the device I am using is accurate?” For everyday purposes, a high degree of accuracy isn’t that necessary. How many times have you weighed yourself on your own scale in the morning and then shrugged off the realization you’d gained or lost 5-10 pounds between the morning weigh-in and the time it took for you to arrive at your doctor’s appointment for a weigh-in in the afternoon? We tend to trust that the doctor’s scale is probably more accurate, but for most, we are not overly concerned that our own scale is not as accurate. We just begin mentally compensating (“I am the weight my scale reads plus or minus 5 to 10 pounds), and that’s that.
Such a laissez-faire appraoch doesn’t cut it for military grade electronics, aeronautics and applications. That is where metrology technicians come into play. We are trained to verify the accuracy of measurements taken by devices against known standards of measurements with higher degrees of accuracy, in an unbroken chain of standards leading directly back to the “gold” (i.e., national or international standard, generally dictated by the National Institute of Standards and Technology). If a device is found to be out of tolerance (i.e., not accurate enough), we’ve also received a crash course in electrical engineering and component level troubleshooting/repair in order to bring a device back into tolerance.
I don’t intend this as a boast, but I was considered very competent at my job. I was the honor graduate of my class, received several letters of endorsements from the top ranking Marines in my lab, and was appointed to positions of authority usually reserved for Marines of much more senior rank. I also received an individual commendation for my active duty service, which you may know was regrettably cut short. The point being, I found the concept of accuracy fascinating, having also been a lifelong lover (and, at that time, current student of) philosophy. In that context of philosophy, I had always pursued the truth (and whether there was an absolute truth), a pursuit in which accuracy is a critical component.
Why do I say all this as regards my spiritual activities? Well, after being forced into a spiritual competition/mystical experience through no desire of my own, I was left with essentially two choices: accept what (decent, compassionate) men were telling me or try to investigate and come to my own conclusions. At the time of my first ineffable experience with the eternal realm, I had essentially zero spiritual “standards” with which to evaluate my experience, let alone test the accuracy of my interpretations. Thus, it was easy to trust the conclusions of the Marine S[taff]N[on]C[ommissioned]O[fficers], warrant officers, commissioned officers, sailors, petty officers, and
That is the exact word I left off on at around 1000 PST, because [the friend I previously wrote about from college] reached out to me and needed my time. Even though I had my plans – errands, appointments, writing, prayer, study – I dropped everything to minister YHWH’s word to him in love for 6 straight hours. [Yeshua did not tell the people who needed him to “come back tomorrow” or wait on him – although I tried to do exactly this at first.] I will complete the thought left hanging and continue my thesis before, Adonai willing, writing about 1000-1847 PST. Exactly where we left off:
Naval commissioned officers who were generally motivated by shared bonds of philia love and wanted the best for my wellness as best they knew how to deliver it.
Their counsel was to completely repress and suppress all “religious delusions,” stay away from scriptures, and comply with medications. So I did exactly that for one year and had perhaps the most miserable year of my entire life. I could only cope by drinking 5-10 shots of scotch almost every night and was left often to cry alone as I fell out of touch and (seemingly) favor with my brothers – the Marines of CLR-35, 3rd Maintenance Battalion ELMACO 2009-2010. I also had to grapple with the complete destruction of my career and very identity.
As I was about to process out – and the anniversary of the date of onset for my illness (February 14 2010 being that date – the “day of love” in the Western world) approached, I decided to investigate what had happened to me and why it happened using the only tools I knew how to use – writing and deep introspection.
This caused me to relive the events and I accordingly had an even more powerful and severe mystical experience/psychotic break which landed me in a state psychiatric ward in Chicago beginning in early-mid March 2011.
Literally days prior to this, I first encountered (“by chance”) my spiritual father, Jim Teak II, among others.
After exiting the wards in Chicago and returning to San Diego, I began 3 earnest (sometimes more earnest, sometimes less earnest) years of studying and practically applying the Word. I had three more inpatient stays from June 2011-August 2012. I continually lost my zeal, joy, and quality of life as my medication regiment shifted and intensified. I bloated to 280 pounds (having been 180 pounds on active duty and rail thin my entire life prior).
There are pages and pages of details to write concerning all of this. The important part is that I was building my own spiritual “standard” by which not only could I verify the accuracy of my own experiences and interpretations, but also could verify the accuracy of other people’s words and deeds according to that standard.
My standard is, very simply, the written word of YHWH. When Yeshua was tempted after 40 days of of fasting in the desert by the enemy, He rebuked the enemy each time by simply stating “IT IS WRITTEN,” and then prophesying the Word of YHWH. Yeshua was literally the LIVING, BREATHING WORD OF YHWH MADE FLESH (John 1), yet He chose to rebuke, resist, and put to his heel Satan in this specific manner. He did this so that we who are not (yet) the Word made flesh could understand how to do the same – by using the written, established, tried, tested and found true WORD of YHWH. Which, I would remind you, was read by Yeshua in Hebrew and most certainly spoken by Yeshua in that or any other situation in Hebrew – NOT in King James English.
Honestly, selah on that for a long time. It is so imperative to selah on that that I do not yet need to write and share about what happened to my friend and myself between 1000-1847 PST today.
Not my words, but His WORD. Amen.